Markcpizzolato-Lost in Louisiana

This picture of Kelly Ripa is a good one, this is when she had meat on her bones! Have you seen the latest Pantene Shampoo commercial featuring the BEAUTIFUL Ripa!  I have just realized that Kelly Ripa cannot act!

Subject: BLIND WALMART GREETER

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandsons

birthday.

She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over

to the counter.

A Wal-Mart associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She

says,"Excuse me,sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says ,"Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the

counter,

I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it

makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel

and 10-LB. Test line.It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale

this week

for only $20.00."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound

of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her

credit card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she

is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk

could tell it was she who farted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she

was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says,"That'll be $34.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it

was on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"

He replies, "Yes,Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call

is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50 ."

Two Yankees came down to Louisiana to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road and a sign that read "BEAR LEFT"; so they went home.

1. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits.
2. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits; for this is blasphemy.
3. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors Grits.
4. Thou shalt only use Salt, Butter and Cheese as toppings for thy Grits.
5. Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits.
6. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits.
7. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits.
8. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits.
9. Thou shalt not put sugar on thy Grits either.
10. Thou shalt not put sugar or syrup on thy Grits.

While walking he happened upon a pit bull attacking a small child. His instincts took over, and he ran to the child's aid. He grabbed the dog, pulled him from the child, and choked the dog until he was dead. As the dead animal lay at his feet, a man came running over from the other side of the street.

He announced that he was the star reporter for a big Louisiana newspaper, and he would make the rescuer famous. "LOUISIANA MAN SAVES CHILD FROM GRUESOME DEATH," the headlines would proclaim.

The would-be savior thought that this sounded great, but explained that he was from Boston -- not Louisiana. The next day the headlines of the Louisiana paper read: "YANKEE KILLS FAMILY PET."